Names

All right, make sure you read through all these because there's a lot this time around. Trying to catch up with the days...

The dinosaurs became extinct and thus ended the golden age of cafeteria food

Robert: “My money is on the kid with no ears.”
Jonathan: “Are you sure? Big dyke has got a hell of a right hook!”

His time-tested accuracy was unerring. As the shot rang out in the warm dusk air, blood and brain matter spurted out of theanimal’s head. He smiled at the job well done, but then a small child coming out the hole the dying animal appeared in his sights. Something evil and primitive
glinted in his eyes.

Jimmy said he wore a jock-strap, but I had my doubts

“Man that cow’s shit is really pouring out!”
“Well take a picture if you like it so much.”
“I already did”

Suddenly the ferret as caught with its thumb up its ass but he didn’t care, he was king

The breeze blew quietly over the plains as Greg’s body hung lifelessly on a tree branch, his immortal gaze turned west.

Warren the smart ass

Calvalry went through the portal into crypt. It was musty in here, and he was wearing no pants. His torch burned out, and the water dripping echoed through the dank tombs. He heard a quiet mutter and the torch lighted itself again. He was in Daniel’s basement.

Warm sighs of relief tumbled out of the mouths of the Sarajevo boys, and their mother finally let them rest. Each of them would treasure this sexual experience for the rest of their lives.

Julio mounted his broom. He took off lightly, and soared up into the night sky. He was nearing the northwest wind path, when suddenly he heard a swooping behind him. His heart raced as he saw the black caped man hard on his heels, hugging his broomstick right behind Julios. Julio panicked and tried to go into a roll, out of his current wind. But the caped man raised his large net and swung down, netting Julio. Within minutes, he had Julio tied up on the ground, and the sky was safe from broom-riding Mexicans for tonight.

Kirkpatrick took a wrong turn and ended up in Asshole Town

The blight had been hurting our farms dearly for the past months. Children in the streets collapsed and bled out of their mouths; mothers ate there rotting child corpses; men hunted the bearmen for the first time in centuries. At night, the villagers could see through the windowsof the distant castle the young prince making love to the more exotic girls from the village. Damned sinners.

HEY Georgie! That Gorilla’s chewing Big Leage Chew

Ludwig Van Nia

“My friends say I’m the shit”
”You don’t have any friends Herman…. But you are the shit.”

The breeze sighed high in the pine trees, and the caribou dropped feces on the tall stranger’s pocketwatch he dropped when he passed by earlier.

It was well into the second shift when Mario reached for his marmot, only to find a tiny, folded note saying: I’ve decided to seek my fortune at the Indian Casino.

The Kingdom of the Everlasting Quiet was stark and barren as I awoke. A fog was lying on the ground, and as I looked out from my castle window, I could see my father laying dead below.

John lazily tossed his cigarette off the bridge and watched winter come… and with it, his death

Puritan Zane

Tommy the tricycle mechanic

After I walked in to the chemistry lab and whitnessed Mr. Dawson hatefully slipping the American flag in nitro-glycerine, my time withthe Indians finally made since in my life as I was able to easily strike him down with only a prayer and a sacred tomahawk.

“Say Mr. Cadberry, how do they get the filling into Cadberry eggs?”
“Well Jimmy that can all be explained by sucking my penis.”

James Earl Jones’ german diaper chronicles

The trapper gazed wistfully into the misty mountains trying to smell where the beavers were

Steven Spurlock was forced to leave his cool at the door upon entering the YMCA. At the end of the day the inhuman counselors noticed a pile of dust underneath an ironed pants suit.

Mary and I lay for hours discussing the particulars of how to avoid typhoid fever, shoot a dozen squirrels, and ford a river, while pops replaced the wagon wheel outside. A thick mist seeped in and I wondered if life was too contrived.

When Debryucker wrote “Daniel sleeps with his backpack on”, it was the best day of his life

John the Baptist and his nephew sold me the blackest rum I’d ever know.

And the wild shaman layed back and enjoyed the delights of Danny Elfman’s daughter

We all shared needles a lot and everything was peachy keen. Magic Johnson was out leader. He bought the stuff.

Simon whistled into the cold night as he wheeled in the third elephant corpse of the week to the makeshift tomb under the circus. It was his fault?

Names

“Ted, who are you waiting for?”
“Shut up”

My tooth decay turns Mona on, but it’s my gingervitis that gets her in the sack. Cha-ching!
Gingervaginis, Billy. Get it right.

The Lords of Art were disciplined masters. Whilst Florenzo was a violin virtuoso, Corietta dressed as if possesed by winter. The others all had their own breathtaking talents. Their leader, the Unseen One, presided over them silently with a watchful eye. Douglas secretly wished he would be let in some day for his yo-yo talents.

He drew a self-portrait, but his teacher said his shanks weren’t long enough. Pervert.

Timmons nipped at my heels, and I collapsed. I heard a murmur, and nimble fingers crawled down my back…

Religion blows

Jonathan… and his sheepish grin

Ausitn Caldwell 3:16

Huck squatted down on all fours, raised his hips, and raised his ass into the air. Peanut butter started coming out.

My knopkins smell of platypus