Names

All right, make sure you read through all these because there's a lot this time around. Trying to catch up with the days...

The dinosaurs became extinct and thus ended the golden age of cafeteria food

Robert: “My money is on the kid with no ears.”
Jonathan: “Are you sure? Big dyke has got a hell of a right hook!”

His time-tested accuracy was unerring. As the shot rang out in the warm dusk air, blood and brain matter spurted out of theanimal’s head. He smiled at the job well done, but then a small child coming out the hole the dying animal appeared in his sights. Something evil and primitive
glinted in his eyes.

Jimmy said he wore a jock-strap, but I had my doubts

“Man that cow’s shit is really pouring out!”
“Well take a picture if you like it so much.”
“I already did”

Suddenly the ferret as caught with its thumb up its ass but he didn’t care, he was king

The breeze blew quietly over the plains as Greg’s body hung lifelessly on a tree branch, his immortal gaze turned west.

Warren the smart ass

Calvalry went through the portal into crypt. It was musty in here, and he was wearing no pants. His torch burned out, and the water dripping echoed through the dank tombs. He heard a quiet mutter and the torch lighted itself again. He was in Daniel’s basement.

Warm sighs of relief tumbled out of the mouths of the Sarajevo boys, and their mother finally let them rest. Each of them would treasure this sexual experience for the rest of their lives.

Julio mounted his broom. He took off lightly, and soared up into the night sky. He was nearing the northwest wind path, when suddenly he heard a swooping behind him. His heart raced as he saw the black caped man hard on his heels, hugging his broomstick right behind Julios. Julio panicked and tried to go into a roll, out of his current wind. But the caped man raised his large net and swung down, netting Julio. Within minutes, he had Julio tied up on the ground, and the sky was safe from broom-riding Mexicans for tonight.

Kirkpatrick took a wrong turn and ended up in Asshole Town

The blight had been hurting our farms dearly for the past months. Children in the streets collapsed and bled out of their mouths; mothers ate there rotting child corpses; men hunted the bearmen for the first time in centuries. At night, the villagers could see through the windowsof the distant castle the young prince making love to the more exotic girls from the village. Damned sinners.

HEY Georgie! That Gorilla’s chewing Big Leage Chew

Ludwig Van Nia

“My friends say I’m the shit”
”You don’t have any friends Herman…. But you are the shit.”

The breeze sighed high in the pine trees, and the caribou dropped feces on the tall stranger’s pocketwatch he dropped when he passed by earlier.

It was well into the second shift when Mario reached for his marmot, only to find a tiny, folded note saying: I’ve decided to seek my fortune at the Indian Casino.

The Kingdom of the Everlasting Quiet was stark and barren as I awoke. A fog was lying on the ground, and as I looked out from my castle window, I could see my father laying dead below.

John lazily tossed his cigarette off the bridge and watched winter come… and with it, his death

Puritan Zane

Tommy the tricycle mechanic

After I walked in to the chemistry lab and whitnessed Mr. Dawson hatefully slipping the American flag in nitro-glycerine, my time withthe Indians finally made since in my life as I was able to easily strike him down with only a prayer and a sacred tomahawk.

“Say Mr. Cadberry, how do they get the filling into Cadberry eggs?”
“Well Jimmy that can all be explained by sucking my penis.”

James Earl Jones’ german diaper chronicles

The trapper gazed wistfully into the misty mountains trying to smell where the beavers were

Steven Spurlock was forced to leave his cool at the door upon entering the YMCA. At the end of the day the inhuman counselors noticed a pile of dust underneath an ironed pants suit.

Mary and I lay for hours discussing the particulars of how to avoid typhoid fever, shoot a dozen squirrels, and ford a river, while pops replaced the wagon wheel outside. A thick mist seeped in and I wondered if life was too contrived.

When Debryucker wrote “Daniel sleeps with his backpack on”, it was the best day of his life

John the Baptist and his nephew sold me the blackest rum I’d ever know.

And the wild shaman layed back and enjoyed the delights of Danny Elfman’s daughter

We all shared needles a lot and everything was peachy keen. Magic Johnson was out leader. He bought the stuff.

Simon whistled into the cold night as he wheeled in the third elephant corpse of the week to the makeshift tomb under the circus. It was his fault?

Names

“Ted, who are you waiting for?”
“Shut up”

My tooth decay turns Mona on, but it’s my gingervitis that gets her in the sack. Cha-ching!
Gingervaginis, Billy. Get it right.

The Lords of Art were disciplined masters. Whilst Florenzo was a violin virtuoso, Corietta dressed as if possesed by winter. The others all had their own breathtaking talents. Their leader, the Unseen One, presided over them silently with a watchful eye. Douglas secretly wished he would be let in some day for his yo-yo talents.

He drew a self-portrait, but his teacher said his shanks weren’t long enough. Pervert.

Timmons nipped at my heels, and I collapsed. I heard a murmur, and nimble fingers crawled down my back…

Religion blows

Jonathan… and his sheepish grin

Ausitn Caldwell 3:16

Huck squatted down on all fours, raised his hips, and raised his ass into the air. Peanut butter started coming out.

My knopkins smell of platypus

Names

-Sherman Williams the preacher thought he lost the bet, but then he realized his life was already over

-raped by an angel

-Shamiqua transformed topless dancing into an art form with her graceful moves and tasteful musical choices.

-Paco found it hard to control his yearning for Maria and her ravenous hips when she showed up to class in nothing but a bathrobe

-“Count Chocula?”, “It was all they had.”

-Dave said he had the money but we all knew he spent it on booze

-Pardon me, while I provide the Daycare children with CRACK

-Buttery Jimmies and a Man’s Good Looks

-shoelace evidence

-Zack Lungren versus the Toronto Maple Leafs

Names

Remember to read and write comments! Here are the next ten selected names:

-Stare at my Slammin’ Ass

-The large clock in the great hall struck Alice in the face

-Feeble Conor climbs out of the crapper only to receive more beatings

-It was my first time in bed with Susan but something didn’t feel right; I reached for the baseball bat behind the bed

-When the Amish leave their farms we can turn them into phat farms.

-Throwing Baby Joseph (Out the Window)

-George Harrison once told me he could hook me up with his dentist, but I spat and wished him well. A kaleidoscope of colors coated the dim London streets that night, but I went home, unaware, to my wife and prayed.

-I once shit in some little kid’s cubby

-Professor Saratoga M.D. Doctorate in being a Douchebag Bachelor’s in prolonging miseries Majors in alcoholics

-Dependable Joey, always sad

Names

-Beach answers, spring thoughts

-Jesus was the king of men, Jèsus Gonzales was a sex offender serving time in State Penn.

-Bob screamed rape! but the nearby policeman laughed, thinking he said, “Grape”

-There was no toilet anywhere so I just let it out in my briefcase

-Aarron’s vegetable garden was burned in the great fire of 1993. Don’t worry though, Aarron never ate vegetables anyway, just eggs

-John thought the day might be getting better when he heard a loud joke and laughed heartily, but then the roof collapsed across the street. Was it an omen?

-Jim sported a pained expression when his bowels emptied

-The slant-eyed Japs blew my buddy half to bits before he slit himself with his knife. Fucking bastards don’t know what they’ve got themselves into this time.

-blind people can't see colors

-Sweet ropes of sweat encircled and ensnared the delicate fruit of temptation as Christopher masturbated to the grainy, cascading footage of the skylark sun princess creeping through the hedge maze on his makeshift TV.

Names

-Non-Digestive Orange

-The musk-ox gangsters roamed free on the plains, and they respected none.

-John smiled when he realized what had happened to Jodie – she had been devouring poop for three weeks

-It was a bright, cold day in April and all the clocks were striking thirteen. It was Zack Prokowski’s wedding day on Mont Olympus, Mars. His collar down, he gazed up at the stars passed the artificial atmosphere, a cricket rested on his lips.

-Rotofarst suffered from whooping cough, and one day a whooping crane visited to grant him patience with his embarrassing illness. His grandmother saw the whooping crane pooping in the field one morning.

-The half-ton silverback gorilla and I raced across the plain, his sinewy muscles rippling beneath blankets of midnight fur. My breathing was harsh and labored, and I looked into his angry eyes for a second before pressing harder. The dull and mighty thumps from his strides pounded in my ears as my legs were weighed down by the insidious tentacles of lactic acid. Open sky was overwhelmed by a canopy of trees, birds chattering the triumphant cry of our arrival into their domain. Suddenly I came to an abrupt stop, and the great beast pushed on. I watched as its massive spinning frame plunged over the edge of the cliff and laughed at its insignificant brain. I was a little tired, but I was going into the city to get laid by a hooker.

-The Andy Cahan Experience

-kind of like the unrealistic goals of the orphans and beggars down the road a bit

-She called us her “fortunate fifty”

-My pet rock is killing off the other house pets one by one

Names

- Those weird Quaker kids that live down by the curve, and wear banana-hammocks at the pool, tried to sell me pussywillow branches by the Post Office.

- A second look denoted the war decision as primeval, but a third look showed the war itself as pointless, so they cut their losses and went bowling. Captain Ape scored a 235.

- Mad Props to Bert for Standing up to Bobby and His Big Chuck Taylors

- Being cool isn’t easy, but I’m a hard worker

- Darren nibbles wholesome bread, delightful

- Roberto went down to the beach and had him some Portuguese nightmares

- The doctors told Baby Kirkpatrick’s mom he wouldn’t be able to make it on his own, so they sent in another baby into the crisp womb. Neither were seen again.

- Rick James is my grand mama his hunchback yields large potatoes.

- After school, Rob needs to cool off!

- Platypus on Probation